A snapshot of a carving at the side door of the 2nd Century Cathedral
A snapshot of a carving at the side door of the 2nd Century Cathedral
I finally managed to get a galley proof of my book. But the expected euphoria at holding an actual work of art produced by my own self did not appear.
I didn’t like the look of it, the feel of it or the size of it. At 110,000 words I’d expected a doorstop sized whacking big thing, but no. It looked like a thicker version of a half-sized comic. The champagne stayed in the fridge and the party hats remained in their boxes.
And that was just the start of it.
But as I’ve learned in life it’s the setbacks that teach you the most. And a very big lesson was just round the corner as I sat down to read my own book in print.
The experience was completely different to the 800+ times I’d read it in A4 size electronic format. It was even different from the version I downloaded from Kindle. It was a revelation.
Every author has probably read their first chapter hundreds of times. Trying to get it right. The one chapter that sets the scene, hooks the reader and foreshadows the tale to come. As I read my first chapter for the first time in print the book took on a different feel. I could almost see the words threading through the page ahead of me, like a narrow pathway leading me into the story. The plot unfolded more slowly, the characters seemed sharper and the hints on what was to come were more subtle.
It was a different book. It was an actual honest to goodness novel, not just electronic words dancing on a screen that one day would become a book. It was real.
I reached for a party hat…..
Then I noticed that some of the typeset wasn’t quite right. The chapter titles weren’t centre-justified. There were grammatical errors even after the two professional edits and the hundreds of searches through the text for missed capitals, commas in the wrong place and quotation marks not closed. The hundreds of hours spent finishing the book for a Kindle upload looked hopelessly inadequate. The book just wasn’t publishable, I’d jumped the gun like so many of my fellow writers. I’d wanted to finish the book so badly I ignored the advice to ‘edit the book to death’ before it went public.
So, on a plane last night I sat with a pen and a highlighter going over the text once more. I edited it backwards so that I wouldn’t get wound into the story and end up being more interested in the hero’s arc that the punctuation.
It’s going to take some time to fix. No-one said it would be easy.
But, to date, it’s the most important writing lesson I’ve learned.
And it’s a lesson that we all probably have to learn at some point.
The Mosque Next door
So I set my book in 2015 and rammed in loads of innovative, amazing, incredible stuff in my own modest way. As of today – here’s how the world has caught up.
A social network grows to be bigger than most countries – and a lot more powerful
A social network is first to have driverless cars and eyeglasses that access the information highway
The Pope runs away to Castle Gandolfini
The Catholic Church takes heavy incoming thank’s to freedom of information on the web
Youngsters live ‘in a virtual world’
The internet is used to bring the world to its knees (that was yesterday btw in case you haven’t noticed your computer running at half speed)
Virtual sex becomes more popular than the real thing
The super-rich and the men who run the world get outed
There’s an assassination attempt at the White House – hold on, wait, that’s next month.
I get ahead of myself some times.
Still to come
AdultOption – young people adopting older couples
The Upira – abusers of women being outed on the web using collation technology
People working for food and board to do something they love
UltraPodding – people living in complete virtuality
Bots on the web controlling supply chains and running projects
Protocol bots keeping politicians honest (OK, that’s never going to happen)
Necropolis – a virtual place where people go where they die and live through their avatars and having NecroJobs – avatars of dead people continue working in IT related jobs
The Glass Wall – a user interface between the dead and the living
Intelligent firewalls – computer protection that thinks for itself
Synth DNA – its what’s uploaded to your avatar when you die
Skynsuits – body suits for travelling in cyber space or having cyber-sex, or both at the same time
iKidUnot – children tracked and monitored via the web using implants
Mobile phones that recognise their owners and only work for them
Phones that die when their user dies
The wiring of the web used as a super-computer
There’s hundreds more but its getting late, so…
Last but not least – Social Websites becoming Nations (as allowed by UN Protocol at the moment. ‘A nation is defined as an imagined community’)
iNation – why don’t you drop in for a chat?
WordPress is overwhelmingly Western orientated and from some comments I’ve seen, people can assume that everyone lives in America or Britain. You know, ‘our tax system is hopeless’ kind of note, with the author not explaining what tax system they’re talking about.
It’s not a serious flaw but amongst our numbers there are people who live in places vastly different from ‘The West’. Their experiences in writing then publishing a book is very different from what people in the West might imagine.
I’d like to take you on a short tour of my writing experiences in the Middle East to shine a faint glimmer of light on what it’s like. Not just the mechanics but also how it affects the way you think and by extension the way you write.
A bit of background. I describe myself as Scottish by birth, European by nature and Middle East resident by choice. I travel around the region from Kurdistan to Oman and places in between. I’ve lived for extended periods of time in Iraq, Kuwait and the United Arab Emirates. Although I’ve been in the region for 12 years this time round I hardly speak a word of Arabic (Jim hangs his head in shame).
On writing. I currently live in Dubai and you can sit here in a hotel lobby and you could write a thousand novels based on an evening’s observations. The mix of people, cultures, dress, habits never cease to amaze. At present the number of people from the Former Soviet Union is expanding – lots of hotel staff are now from that area. The other noticable change is the number of Chinese and Koreans. The United Arab Emirates (UAE) is a vast bazaar, a massive souk where people come to live, do business, holiday and stop-over on their way somewhere else. Most International Oil Companies have regional hub offices in Dubai, mainly to service their operations in Iraq. But for British people its a home from home. You can actually get deep fried Mars bars here (a Scottish delicacy if longevity is not your aim in life).
So the UAE is a comfortable place for someone like me to live. BUT. And that’s a big big BUT. I never forget that I’m a guest in someone else’s country. The law here is not based on English law (like so many other countries), the law here is Sharia and woe betide anyone who thinks differently. Its all to easy for people to imagine somehow that ‘probably things are much the same here as back home’.
And how is this of significance to writers? Well, you can’t just find a publisher here and knock a few thousand copies out then get them into the shops. You have to obtain a No Objection Certificate (NOC) from the government (I’ll not go into the process – it’s lengthy but not complicated). If the book contains anything deemed to be blasphemous or would offend local family values then its unlikely to get a NOC.
I’m going through the process right now and my book does contain harsh criticism of the Catholic Church – it may be a factor that stops me publishing here because the Ministry of Culture protects all religions not just Islam. There may be other factors but I couldn’t even guess what they might be. Like everything else in the Middle East your best companions are Patience, Good Humour and an engrossing book to read.
Going back to the process of writing. I wrote the outline for my book iNation when I lived in Baghdad in 2003. I was in the Sheraton Hotel, situated on the roundabout where Saddam Hussein’s statue was pulled down. I had a great view from my room overlooking the Tigris. I could see everything in the Green Zone (Saddam Hussein’s palace and other government buildings). I ate often at the palace and wandered through the grounds. I even swam in his pool. Despite what was said in the media at the time the palace. pool, etc were no bigger nor more opulent than a million other houses in this region. The scurrilous hype about Saddam living in grand luxury while his people lived in hovels conveniently forgot to mention how the President of the United States lives in the White House v people in shotgun shacks in some States. Ps, this is not an anti-American rant – I love America and I count many Americans amongst my friends. The media across Europe did hatchet jobs on Saddam every bit at vitriolic as Fox News.
Anyway it was these experiences that planted the seed in my mind. America runs the world now but what if there was a much bigger yet hidden country just around the corner. A country that holds no territory, a country that lives in the world wide web? What would it do, how would it work, could it change the world? Would the change be for good or would it produce a world dictatorship?
When the phenomenon of Facebook burst upon us the book practically wrote itself. I also took the opportunity to give some other global organisations that should be making the world a better place, but are not, a right good Glasgow kicking. A Glasgow kicking is considered by thugs around the world to be the very pinnacle of ‘a kicking’.
Returning once again to writing (I know, I ramble), the act of observing ones country and others from a distance and from within a different culture adds (IMHO) depth and gives a twist to how things are written. You’re less influenced by the propaganda pushed out in those countries, you more likely to see a bigger picture than a local election or the rise in the price of petrol. As many writers have observed, people who live on the margins of society, people who are ‘different’ and people who are from different cultures are often the sharpest observers. Gore Vidal and Jerzy Kozinsky spring to mind. The Middle Eastern culture is so pervasive and different it would be a miracle if your approach to writing didn’t change.
Apart from that, writing here is the same as anywhere else. Sitting at a computer in solitude bashing the keys and hoping something worthwhile will fall out and start reaching for the light.
Even as I write this, the call to prayer from the mosque next door reminds me that I’m a legal alien in Dubai. Humdalala!
Before opening this short video (67 seconds of mayhem)…
Remove all inflammable clothing
Remove glass eyes, false teeth, etc
Hold on to something solid.
Best with earbuds in and the volume cranked up
Thanks for watching!
Ever sat and talked over how the world could be changed? Ever thought of how it would be great to hit out at all those people who turned the world into a rubbish heap for unemployed people? The guys who roller-coast the world’s economy to sell high and buy low. The guys who own presidents and appoint dictators? The people who don’t give a shit about anybody else but themselves?
Have you really thought on what it would take to protect the people of the world, to improve their lives and to dry the tears of a billion children?
An old rock n’ roller, a geek and 19 year old girl take them all on, here’s how.
Available at Kindle for $7.
A cheap way to learn how to change the world.